Monday, 18 May 2009

Pull Yourself Together

I am occasionally glad that I am not TV's Dr Alice "Call me Dr Alice Roberts" Roberts. If I were in her position, I would change my surname by deed poll to Doctor, ensuring that any enquiries to me would sound like the beginning of a joke.

But, then, names are rum chaps, aren't they? Offer somebody a prune and they'll schnuffel their nose with faint 21st century disgust, as if you'd offered them a tin of snoek, or a bullseye wrapped in a page torn out of a ration book. If the Prune Marketing Board had changed their name to sun-dried plums, however, the little wrinkly balls would be flying off the shelves.

I was given to consider this while sitting in McDonald's and reading the list of mouthwatering ingredients in their brand new Chicken Legend with Bacon. This latest delicacy follows very much in the tradition of the Big Tasty and Chicken Selects in that it is essentially the same as something McDonald's already does, only with slightly-nicer sounding ingredients.

So, instead of having a McChicken Sandwich, with a massive battered Chicken McNugget, an assault on the EU not-very-nice mayonnaise mountain, some limp, tasteless iceberg lettuce and a boring old roll, we have the following...

Chicken breast...: Not free-range, I imagine, or they'd have said. Still, better than chicken bottom.

... In a crispy coating INFUSED with seasoning: Excellent. I can't abide a crispy coating with no salt in it.

Batavia lettuce: I literally have no idea what this is. I think Belgravia lettuce is money, but I'm not sure.

Cool mayo: Infinitely better than lukewarm, I would contend. Nice one, McDonald's.

Cornish bacon: I have no idea if this is a good thing, but I do know I don't remember Rick Stein's Taste Of The Sty. Still, well done, Cornwall for getting the McDonald's gig.

Bakehouse roll: A bakehouse roll. I'll say that again. A bakehouse roll. Not a conventional roll, baked by bakers in a bakery. This one is baked by bakers in a bakehouse, i.e. it is a bakehouse roll. Goodness. An actual house. All I can say is I hope they haven't taken too much on. McDonald's is a big operation and they'll need a lot of rolls. I couldn't manage with my oven, but maybe they've got an Aga. So far, they're doing quite well and are producing rolls the equal of - if not better than - any of the others that McDonald's sells.

Anyway, as an experiment, I've changed the name of this blog for a week or so. I'll test the level of interest and report back at the end of the process.

5 comments:

Jade said...

It is indeed a top-notch world. And a top-notch post. More please...

Rachel Noy said...

I can't eat anything that resembles a McChicken sandwich after hearing that someone got sacked from our local one for pleasuring themself into the mayonaise as a dare.

I don't think any kind of rebranding will get rid of that thought. Thanks for bringing it all back.

Gary Bainbridge said...

If anybody can take pleasure in a McChicken Sandwich, that is to be applauded.

Alison Gow said...

I'm not even arsking why you were in MacDonalds, spending actual money.
It's a lovely world Mr B. It's possibly a *lovely* world if you want to be realy fuzzy. Top Notch? Bah...

Slimeon Mayo said...

Well, it's already worked as this is now your fifth comment on the matter and your previous posts since the blog's recent renaissance have attracted little but the drunken ramblings of drunken ramblers.
If McDonald's can manage an equivalent five-to-one sales increase (I can't work that out as a percentage as I am a journalist) with their renaming gimmick, I think they will be very happy indeed.
Now snacks for drunken ramblers - there's a market to chase.