Gripped

I'm a bit concerned.

From Monday, we're not being allowed to wear our own shoes in work after a number of people have tripped on the toes of their footwear.

Apparently we have to take our shoes off in reception and wear big yellow slippers with very thin soles.

And they're replacing the current carpets with a series of gripper rods. You know, the strips of balsa wood with sharp tacks which stick up. Apparently this is to "help us adhere to the floor."

And they've sacked the people in the canteen and some of the sales staff and used the cash to employ men and women with clown make-up, who'll wear suits made out of meat. These people are supposed to walk around the building, kissing people with tongues and whispering in their ear: "Don't fall over. Don't ever fall over."

I think it's health and safety gone mad.