Gnat's Entertainment

I wonder what simile gnats use when referring to something of notable tightness.

EXT. GNATS' CAR PARK - DAY

TWO GNATS ARE SITTING IN A CAR, TALKING.

MARTIN (gnat, early 30s):
Goodness, Terence, that parking space is a tight as, erm, my chuff.

TERENCE (gnat, late 30s):
I really wouldn't know, Martin.

MARTIN:
OK, Terence, it's as tight as your chuff.

TERENCE:
Martin...

MARTIN:
Argh! All right, Terence, fair enough. It's as tight as, I don't know, a chuff. Anyone's chuff.

TERENCE:
Martin, I'm beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. Can we stop talking about chuffs?

MARTIN:
I'm sorry, Terence, I'm just trying to think of something that's quite tight, so that I can adequately express the area in which I am expected to park.

TERENCE:
I appreciate that, Martin. But I'm just disturbed that you would immediately think of a chuff, that's all.

MARTIN:
What would you have thought of?

TERENCE:
I don't know... an earhole. I'd have probably just said it was a bit tight and left it at that.

MARTIN:
You know your problem, Terence, you've no poetry in your soul.

TERENCE:
Yes, well, if by that you mean I'm not constantly thinking about chuffs, then I'm happy to be prosaic.

MARTIN:
Bugger. Somebody's taken our parking space.

END