Saturday, 15 March 2008

The Friday List: Seven Statements Made In Popular Culture Which Are Literally Untrue

Diamonds Are Forever
No they're not. Although admittedly durable, they are not indestructible.

You Only Live Twice
With apologies to my many Hindu/Buddhist readers - and even in their theology reincarnation is very unlikely only to occur once.

You'll Never Walk Alone
Yes you will.

Only Fools And Horses Work (from the theme tune to the TV series Only Fools And Horses)
Two words: Stephen Hawking. Demonstrably not a fool, but still works tirelessly despite being a nailed-on candidate for Incapacity Benefit. Also not a horse.

The World Is Just A Great Big Onion (from the Motown classic The Onion Song)
I'm sorry, the late Marvin Gaye and the late Tammi Terrell, but it is very much not, as any geologist could have told you before your sad demises (cf the late David Niven's memoir The Moon's A Balloon)

Never Can Say Goodbye
You've just said it, Michael Jackson and the rest of the Jackson Five. You said it in the title of the song (cf Elton John's Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word).

All You Need Is Love
"What's that you say, Mr Bank Manager? I'm overdrawn to the tune of 68 squillion quids? Let me give you a hug, and I'll be on my way." I don't think so. I'm not knocking love. In fact, I think it's very good. But as the Beatles stated earlier in their careers "Your love gives me such a thrill/But your love don't pay my bills". Also, you need food and water.


Rambling Sid Rumpo said...

Here's one for you:

The Postman Always Rings Twice: Well, he may have done in far off days of yore long ago in the past in history, but these days I'm lucky if he so much as coughs outside my door before stuffing his sorry wad of Persil coupons and offers for orthopaedic support hose through the letterbox. And you've no idea what he does with the parcels ... but it definitely doesn't involve ringing twice.

Tim Bandit said...

Here's another ....

Eight Days A Week
A great idea which the Beatles had for improving industrial output in the postwar world. However, even a rudimentary knowledge of astronomy, anthropology and the historical development of the calendar will show this to be palpably untrue (except during a limited period in the early Hittite empire).