I saw a Double Dip behind the counter of the newsagent's shop today. Do you remember Double Dips from your childhood? I do - and from today, obviously.
If you don't remember them, or do and are happy to revisit the concept, I shall explain. They are two sachets of fruit-flavour sherbet, packaged with a hard sweet swizzle stick.
The idea is that the consumer, usually a child, sucks on the swizzle stick, then plunges it into the sherbet, which then adheres to the stick. The consumer then sucks or licks the sherbet off the swizzle stick. When the sherbet is finished, the consumer eats the swizzle stick.
I imagine that was quite a difficult one to sell to the chaps at product development. And here I am, imagining it . . .
Chap at Product Development: "Brian, Brian, Brian, mmm, right, okayyyyyy. Could you just take us through the Double Dip concept one more time?"
Brian: "Certainly. The consumer, usually a child, sucks on the the swizzle stick, then plunges it into the sherbet, which then adheres to the stick. The consumer then sucks or licks the sherbet off the swizzle stick. When the sherbet is finished, the consumer eats the swizzle stick."
CPD: "So, the consumer - let's call him Johnny - licks the swizzle stick . . ."
Brian: "That's right, Chap at Product Development . . ."
CPD: ". . . covering it with his own sputum-streaked saliva. Johnny then uses his sputum-streaked saliva-slicked swizzle stick to pick up the sherbet, leaving, presumably, some of that saliva behind inside the bag to soak into the sherbet."
Brian: "I think that's the tenor of my argument, yes."
CPD: "Can I just say, Brian, that that is the single most unpleasant confectionery idea ever presented to the Chaps at Product Development? It knocks that soft fudge Dog Poo bar proposal you came up with into a cocked hat."
Brian: "Did I mention that the sherbet makes children bounce off the walls for three straight hours?"
Incidentally, I made an off-the-cuff reference to Chantelle Houghton off Big Brother the other day and got a single hit from Birmingham, although I'm not sure he found what he was looking for.
I don't know what Charlotte Church would make of it, especially if she was in the nip, but I'm not impressed.