Bare Faced Lies

I'm beginning to smell a rat on the Gok Wan front. I recently suggested he keep his big daft glasses out of the debate on women's body shapes, given that he has no interest in the subject.

But I now firmly believe his nudey show on the television is nothing but a sham and a fake and a sham. Last night's episode featured a young lady who, while a bit chunky in the thigh department, was too shy to wear a swimming costume in a swimming pool AND was an actress, to boot.

So, let me get this straight. A young lady who is too shy to wear a swimming costume in front of a hundred people, who thinks she looks like a pink blancmange, is not too shy to appear in the nip on a television programme watched BY MILLIONS.

And she's an actress. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I was given to understand that actors are rarely shy, owing to their having to appear on stage and television in front of lots of people. I would imagine shy people would be more drawn to jobs where they get to stand behind a screen or a pillar or something.

None of this adds up, does it? It's all a bit inconsistent. If I were a cynical man, I'd suggest that How To Look Good Naked is nothing more than an attempt by the filthmongers at Channel Four to get lady bumps and bottoms on television before 9pm.

If they're not trying to kill us, they're trying to corrupt us. They're probably doing it for a bet. I reckon Gok Wan isn't even in the gays.

I reckon if there's another series, they should be forced to get that Lucien Freud to present it. That should sort it all out.