I'm no expert in metaphysics. I think we all can agree that. But I think I've stumbled on a huge cosmic loophole which could lead to eternal life.
The television channel Film4 is running a season of films which, it tells us, one has to see before one dies. The season starts with the Francis Ford Coppola film Apocalypse Now.
We can use that knowledge to live forever, as far as I can make out. If we do not see these films, we are literally unable to die.
It's a shame really, as some of them are quite good. If only it were films like Joe Versus The Volcano with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. That was rubbish. Although I have seen that, so perhaps it's a good thing it's not on the list.
What does get my goat is the fact that Film4 is irresponsibly showing these films. If the powers that be really cared, they'd just publish a list of the films to avoid. Instead, they are screening them, effectively encouraging suicide.
How dare they? How bloody dare they? I'm not sure about euthanasia, but I certainly don't think that publicly-funded bodies like Channel Four Television should involve themselves in the whole distasteful enterprise. They make me sick.