The Friday Interview: The Channel 4 Scriptwriter

In the first of an occasional series, Graham Bandage talks to Justin Turnbull, the man who writes the narrator's scripts for Channel 4's reality lifestyle shows.

Graham Bandage: How do you approach writing a script for, say, The Home Show, or Supernanny?

Justin Turnbull: Well, Graham, later I'll be telling you how I use a script-writing program ... how I drink a cup of coffee ... and where I work.

GB: Great. But how do you approach writing a script for, say, The Home Show, or Supernanny?

JT: I get a rough edit of the programme and then I work my way through it. Phew, I need a wee-wee. After my break I'll tell you how I use a script writing program ... how I drink a cup of coffee ... and where I work.

INTERVIEW SUSPENDED FOR THREE MINUTES.

GB: OK?

JT: Yep. Before my break, I said this. "I get a rough edit of the programme." Later, I'll tell you how I use a script writing program ... how I drink a cup of coffee ... and where I work.

GB: How do you use a script writing program?

JT: I've got one on my computer. I just tap in the words on my keyboard and they appear on my screen.

GB: Yes, but...

JT: Sorry, time for another break. I'm parched, so I'll be needing a cup of coffee. Later I'll tell you how I drink a cup of coffee... and where I work.

INTERVIEW SUSPENDED FOR TWO MINUTES.

GB: Look, this is getting...

JT: So before my wee-wee break I said this, "I get a rough edit." Then before my coffee making break I said, "I just tap in the words on my keyboard."

GB: Can we get to the coffee?

JT: Of course. I don't actually drink cups of coffee. I prefer mugs.

GB: Oh, you'd led me to believe you drink cups of coffee.

JT: Yes, the mug thing is a bit of a twist.

GB: Very good.

JT: Yes. I need the toilet again now. When I come back I'll tell you ... where I work.

INTERVIEW SUSPENDED FOR TWO MINUTES.

GB: Please. Just please move on. Don't tell me what you've already...

JT: Before my first wee-wee break, I said this: "Rough edit." Then before my coffee break, I said: "I just tap..." Then before my second wee-wee break, I said: "I prefer mugs."

GB: Where do you work? Just tell me, for the love of thingy, where the f**king hell do you work?

JT: Here.

GB: So, what now?

JT: Now you go away. And then you come back to see me in 12 months to see if things have changed for me for the cheapo repeat.

GB: And will they have done?

JT: No. Not in the slightest. Next week you'll be interviewing conceptual artist Ted Cramp, when he'll be saying "The Northern Line," "three sheets to the wind" and "Mum, please don't."

GB: Justin Turnbull, thank you.