I've been watching the Wimbledon on the television. It's all very good and everything, but I'm a bit distracted by the ladies' knickers.
And not for any saucy reason. Frankly, I'd be disappointed if you thought that. It's more to do with the balls.
I reckon it must be very difficult for the lady serving if the other player returns the ball, because then she has to leg it across the court with a big tennis ball in her pants.
No wonder they make that massive grunt. I'd be browned off, too, if I were faced with a bit of a run with a ball in my pants.
It's not so bad for the chaps, of course, but it's still got to be a bit constricting having one in their pocket.
I think if I were a tennis player, I'd probably be tempted to put the first service into the net on purpose, just so I could free up my pocket for whatever knick-knacks I had in there. My mobile, or whatever. But that would be risky.
So I've come up with a smashing new idea. The Ball Thigh Bracelet. This is a heavy metal band which players wear on their thigh. How it would work is that tennis balls would now contain a powerful magnet. The spare ball would then adhere to the outer thigh until pressed into service.
And, as both players would wear the Ball Thigh Bracelet, neither would be at a disadvantage.
The only problem I could see would be if the ball in play veered a bit close to the opponent's thigh adhering inadvertantly. But that's not something I would be concerned about. These are highly-paid professionals, who should be able to move their thighs if required. Moving a thigh is probably the least one could expect of a tennis player.
I think it's the only practical solution until tennis players evolve little pouches like kangaroos, i.e. for ages.