Eats Stabs And Leaves

A fragment of a transcript of an early Hells Angels meeting has recently fallen into my hands. I think it's a fantastic historical document which sheds new light on this most infamous of gangs, and I hope you won't mind if I eschew the usual ramblings on unlikely soup and cardboard tubes on this occasion - GB.

SCORPION:
All present? Apologies?

ZOMBIE:
Nigel - sorry, Thunderskull - can't come as he's been busted by the fuzz. And Asscleaver's had to take his mum to the bingo, so he'll be late.

SCORPION:
All right. Item 1 - Corporate Identity. Bloodsucker, you had some thoughts on this...

BLOODSUCKER:
Thanks, Scorpion. A number of members have come to me over the vexed question of apostrophes.

BADGERBAITER:
Oh, not that old chestnut?

BLOODSUCKER:
No, it's becoming serious now. Hear me out. When we could keep it in-house, it wasn't an issue. But our members really do need guidance now that tattoo artists are involved.

ZOMBIE:
How do you mean?

BLOODSUCKER:
Well, the tattooists are asking if there should be an apostrophe in "Hells." Now whatever we decide is fine by me, but I really believe we need to be consistent. Otherwise we look stupid. Strictly speaking, of course, we should use one.

BADGERBAITER:
This is just opening a can of worms. Where would it go?

BLOODSUCKER:
Well, between the 'l' and the 's.'

BADGERBAITER:
Well that's where I'd disagree. I always assumed we were the angels of many hells. For example the Islamic notion of hell is subtly different from Christian conceptions.

SCORPION:
I think it's quite clear that we're talking about the traditional fire and brimstone Judaeo-Christian version. It appears that you're being obstructive, just because your own tattoo has no apostrophe.

BLOODSUCKER:
You could have one inserted.

BADGERBAITER:
No, it would totally mess up the effect of the blood-soaked dagger. I mean, it'd look like I'd stabbed a slug.

SCORPION:
Badgerbaiter actually makes a decent point. We're an inclusive organisation. We shouldn't be in the business of putting off new members. And that apostrophe might not look much, but any extra tattooing is extra pain. My recommendation is we go for "Hells Angels," without the apostrophe. All in favour? Against? Motion carried.

BLOODSUCKER:
Well, obviously my main concern was consistency. But I would like my dissent noted.

SCORPION:
Let's move on. Item 2 - Approved Stabbing Techniques...

ZOMBIE:
Sorry, just to be clear, what exactly is brimstone?